When we go to a bar, we have an agenda. Refreshing, tasty beverages aren’t what most of us seek when we walk into our favorite watering holes. There’s no natural lust for alcohol that beckons us to imbibe. There is, however, a yearning for connection imbued in each of us. We buy drinks, dance with strangers, and take random people home in hopes of filling a void. We believe others will give us what we cannot give ourselves.  We are always disappointed.

You don’t have to be homo or live on the range to have this experience. For people who are gay or lesbian, though, the emotions are compounded.  We aren’t just looking for a partner when we intimately connect with someone of the same sex; we are often trying to find ourselves inside another person. That dynamic is an equation for ascertaining doom.

There’s no greater catastrophe than a life unfulfilled. Every person who is gay has experienced some kind of rejection; we seek shelter in the arms of others. Intimacy can’t be manufactured, though. It can’t be found on Craig’s List. It also can’t be served at a bar. That gut-level unsatisfaction so many of us feel every day is really an imbedded barometer reminding us that we need to get our internal house in order. And so we try.

We’re sitting at the Vagabond on a Saturday afternoon, the latest issue of The Advocate our only companion.  We’re lonely. We want to be connected. So we pull out our iPhone and log onto Grindr! The gay-dating cell phone application displays diagonal rows of dozens of men within a few thousand feet from us who we can talk to. We zero in on a shirtless guy with scant information about himself in his profile. We chat it up.

We decide during the nascent texting/dating ritual that this avatar will be our salvation. The shirtless man behind the pic will fill our void. He will give us everything we deserve. None of that is apparent by the few dozen lines of text we exchange, though. We decide to meet up at Rain later that evening. In the flesh it will click.

So we enter the bar with an agenda. We forget that we’re about to meet a distinct person with a whole host of issues and aspirations distinct from our own. We meet. We order a drink. Shirtless Grindr guy turns out to be pretty lackluster. We have little to talk about. Or maybe we do. It’s hard to have a real conversation with someone when you’re holding at bay the disappointment that this person isn’t exactly who you wanted he or she to be.

Now we have a choice. We can politely excuse ourselves and go home to a lonely night’s slumber. Or, we can invite our bland beau to our abode. The night’s machinations can either be tame or wild; the morning’s musings are pre-ordained. Either way, he leaves. The chasm remains.

It’s within that space—that void—that redemption lives. The awkward moment when we realize the person we’re drinking with isn’t the person we want is really the instant when we discover that pieces of us are missing. Instead of going to out bars, we should probably be doing yoga, meditating, or just spending some quiet time reflecting on how to become the people we want to be.

When we do meet up with people, we should interrupt that awkwardness with something real. We shouldn’t be afraid to embrace the uniqueness that lies within. We should receive individuals as they are, too. Our own agendas must be set aside. People are not canvasses for us to paint our insecurities onto. Everyone is their own masterpiece, worthy of faculty and symposium. Ultimately, we hold the keys to the undoing of our own doom.

This isn’t just a gay issue. Heterosexuals manufacture intimacy, too! There’s a certain politeness in straight society that prevents the honest admission of what’s really going on in most people’s lives, though. Leave it to the gays to shake things up a bit.

In 2012, let’s all try to fill our inner-chasms with more than just alcohol. Let’s stop looking for other people to make us whole. Let’s start finding salvation within.

Half a world away, a very serious human rights matter has

risen with tracks leading back to our own yellow-brick road.

Sure, Kansas queers can complain about a few things to complain about. In this state it’s perfectly legal to be fired from a job for being gay. A constitutional amendment exists to deny same-sex couples basic legal rights.

However, there’s something gay Kansans do have here that our friends in the East African nation of Uganda may soon covet—the right to be alive.

It’s actually illegal to be gay in a number of places abroad. Punishments range from large fines to public beatings to prison sentences. A bill has been introduced in Uganda’s parliament that would go beyond that by mandating the death penalty for what the bill’s author coins “aggravated homosexuality.”

Uganda be kidding, right?

Sadly, no, and it isn’t just gay people who need fear retribution. Anyone who knows a gay person and doesn’t report their knowledge to the police will be thrown in jail. Anyone who advocates or speaks out on behalf of gay rights will also get locked up. If you lived in Uganda, every person reading this magazine could be in big trouble—unless you turned me into the police to be executed!

As we argue whether we should allow gay couples to be married, elsewhere there’s an argument over whether gay people can just be. In Uganda, family is a keen value; anything that threatens its traditional structure is a problem to be stopped. Homosexuality is seen there as a threat to traditional values—so the death penalty is seen by some as a suitable solution.

I know different societies have different values and beliefs, but this is a horse of different color.

And you can smell the manure from here.

The author of this bill, Ugandan Member of Parliament David Bahati, is a key associate of the secretive, Washington-based node of Christian political power known as The Family. Our own Senator Brownback is a well-documented member of this ultra-conservative clan. Jeff Sharlet, author of a book documenting The Family’s ties, says the group has funneled millions of dollars into the Ugandan anti-gay campaign and considers Uganda’s president, Yoweri Museveni, as the “key man” for protecting family values in Uganda.  Sharlet also says Museveni can go to Brownback if he wants money for arms or any other project—such as getting this bill passed.

This is quite troubling given the fact that Brownback is the apparent frontrunner in next fall’s gubernatorial race. In the past, he has used his influence to aid global humanitarian issues, such as working to end international sex trafficking. However, he has yet to comment on this issue or detail his involvement with Ugandan officials. It’s a deafening silence—but it’s not a quashing quiet.

In Kansas we have a right that our gay brothers and sisters in Uganda don’t. We can ask questions and demand answers. No one’s going to execute us in Wichita for demanding to know the depth of our Senator’s involvement. No one will go jail for asking him to use his connections to speak out and stop this atrocity. In fact, you can call his office right now and let his staff know you want to see some action (316.264.8066). The issue may seem a world away, but apparently it’s been blown straight to Oz!

You can also e-mail Brownback’s office by filling out a comment form at:
http://brownback.senate.gov/public/contact/emailsam.cfm.

Common Perception: In today’s society, we feel we’ve come a long way in terms of being tolerant of each other’s differences…and we have. Race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, age, physical abilities, political beliefs, religious beliefs, or other ideologies have become taboo subjects in our politically correct society. Gone are the days of discrimination. No longer will the freaks of the world be pushed aside. (LOL!)

Diversity in the workplace allows us to explore our differences in a safe, positive, and nurturing environment, according to the definitions you’ll find online. Wow, I don’t know about you, but that sounds great! Is diversity in the workplace a reality or just a bunch of political mumbo jumbo to satisfy government regulations? I believe it’s a little bit of both.

Neo-Perception: Okay, yes. I agree that we’ve come a long way since my parents’ generation. As a society, we are more accepting of others’ differences. It’s no surprise to see the disabled, or those who show respect for their religion by the way they dress; it’s even become common to see a walking tapestry of tats and piercings behind the counter of many Wichita businesses. Are these places really providing a safe environment for their employees to discover and respect each other’s differences? I have NEVER seen it happen yet, but I keep my hopes up that our future generations will pull their heads out.

I spoke with several people who have been, or are considered “different.” They are from the Gay and Lesbian community, disabled, and for some, their skin isn’t the right color, etc. They come from all walks of life, but all of them agreed, diversity in the workplace sounds great, but is rarely true to its government definition. Great, so what do we do?

Keep moving forward. If every one of us tried to get to know at least one person a month that was considered “different” from ourselves, we could make diversity on all levels true to its definition in record time. Not to mention how someone “different” from ourselves can enrich our lives in ways we never knew possible.

Scared? It’s only natural when we face change. I know I’m looking forward to a day when the big concern in the workplace is normal personality conflicts. Conflicts that NEVER have anything to do with being gay or having different colored skin, or by what name you call your God. Screw diversity, it’s a matter of respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others.

If you’re a gay looking for reasons to be grumpy, you can definitely find some! In the past few months, marriage for same-sex couples has been voted down in Maine and rejected by New York and New Jersey’s state legislatures. If you’re a homosexual looking for the happy, though, you can take heart in the election of Annise Parker, Houston’s first out, lesbian mayor and the homo-in-chief of the fourth largest U.S. city. We can’t get married, but we can get elected! Sometimes, outlooks are only as grim as you choose to view them.

Homo, here’s a hope!

A simple fact seems to have emerged over the last few years: Americans are becoming comfortable with gay people a lot faster than they are with the idea of gay people getting married. Like it or not, it’s a reality we have to face—especially in more traditional places like Kansas.  That may not be such a bad thing, though.

Consider the numbers. Houston is a city with 2.2 million people, now being lead by a lesbian. In contrast, there have been about 12,000 same-sex marriages in Massachusetts since it became the first state to allow gay nuptials in 2004. Over the past decade, the number of openly gay elected officials nationwide has risen by more than 200, with about 450 homos holding public office. There are cities much smaller than Wichita and states more conservative than Kansas that have city council members, county commissioners, sheriffs, and state representatives and senators who are open members of the LGBT community.  These numbers tell a simple fact—when folks get to know us as people, they judge our character, not our characteristics.  Aside from that, though, a broader, more significant impact is had when we take the focus off ourselves and put it on other people.  We’re affecting far more lives toiling to build stronger communities than we ever would sweating to plan the perfect wedding!

At the end of the day, all of us are just people. But when we focus on differences, we often make ourselves into symbols, not individuals.  We’re better off toiling toward gradual acceptance than we are fast-tracking a controversy the culture isn’t quite ready to embrace. That doesn’t mean that we change our core beliefs or stop fighting for what we believe is right. It just means we accept reality for what it is and do what’s most effective.

Our Kansas motto implores us to look to the stars through difficulty. Those shiny, celestial objects point the way to distant, brighter days. True, there won’t be any homos getting hitched on the range anytime soon. But could there be a city council member or mayor who happens to be gay in the near future? It’s certainly possible. Hope is only as far-off as we allow it to be.